This is Serious
June 25th 2010
This is serious, he thought. It always had been. For weeks, he had tried to deny this, but had always known it was true. The papers had told him so. By age 24, Hermreiche Meyer couldn't walk past a stack of papers without them whispering to him: "This is serious. It always has been!" College ruled notebook paper, one dollar bills, 10 dollar bills, sticky note pads, legal documents saying that it's ok for you to be in this country... all spoke to him, all told him that this was serious and always had been.
A crowd formed around Hermreiche that day, when he accepted Fate, and as he straddled the near razor-thin wire, his heroic scrotum mere inches above it, the people began to chant: HERMSMEYER! MERMSHEIYER! HERSHMEYER! He relished this moment, and knew he would live forever in their stories and songs... the man who teabagged the wire that had caused so many so much trouble. The man who sacrificed himself for all of mankind. Hermreiche Meyer, former nobody, lowered his balls triumphantly onto the cursed wire, which pulsed with an alien force, and died.
Now, he didn't die in the traditional sense, like "he died!" but in the cosmic sense, as in "he died." This is how it was commonly understood. The wire died, too, but not in the cosmic sense. It died in the traditional sense. Any energy pulsing through it, and no one had every been sure that energy actually ran through it, had stopped. Basically, the wire looked the same as it ever had, but people now concluded that it was dead. This was based on someone having told someone else that it was dead, thanks to the sacrifice of Hermes Myreiche. Word spread like wildfire. People were abuzz, and quite excited; the wire was dead! Viva Sherman Hermsiche!!